Hello, friend. Thank you for clicking through to A Lady Goes West to read my words today. It felt like the right time to wish you Happy Holidays and/or Merry Christmas, and it also felt like the right time just to write. Grab a mug of coffee or tea, and sit back and (hopefully) enjoy …
I started this blog for fun in September of 2012 as a casual way to stay in touch with my friends and family in Florida when Dave and I moved to California. Then, I started writing this blog more seriously in March of 2014 and began delving more into wellness and fitness topics, as my career away from the computer moved in that direction. And over the last 10 years, I’ve shown up for multiple blog posts a day at times and for one post a week at times. I’ve lived for opening up my laptop, creating a “new post” and pouring out.
But it seems like little by little over the last year or so, I’ve started to open up the new post, begin to create it, then stop mid sentence and close it out or delete it. Not only do I find myself second guessing my words in general (hasn’t everything been said before?), but I also find myself second guessing over-sharing — something I was used to doing for so long, but now, these days, feels weird.
I’ve been a pretty big over-sharer on the internet in the past. I mean, I’ve talked to you about my periods, I’ve talked to you about my miscarriages, I’ve talked to you about losing a parent, and I’ve talked to you about falling short of goals and feeling confused and having doubts about multiple things (when a good blogger should be sure of themself, you know?). Previously, I never wondered whether I should write this way or not, until all of a sudden, I started to wonder.
When I hit 40 last year, I started to have little thoughts in my head like: “Aren’t you getting too old to write about your life and take pictures of yourself?,” “Shouldn’t you leave Brady off the internet?” “Don’t you want to go on a trip and not have to do a written recap about it?” “Are you still going to be writing about your silly current faves and favorite protein powder when you turn 50?” “But really, what’s your plan for the future?”
In fact, these questions go through my head every single day. But still, I’ve tried to show up on here about once a week to share helpful, entertaining or useful content, because I love connecting with you, this is an important source of income for me, and this is something I’ve worked so hard on for so long, and I wanted to do. But as I’ve written this year, I’ve also pulled a little bit of myself out of it, purposefully. And I’m guessing you’ve noticed that, as you’ve read my words. Yet, as we near the last few days of 2024, I keep coming back to the idea that I used to love to just create a blank post and write.
So today, in between running errands for a party I’m hosting this weekend (hosting my own birthday party, that’s right), creating content for my fitness classes (still something that takes up the majority of my time, although it doesn’t make up the majority of my income), doing a million chores and closing out year-end stuff with A Lady Goes West LLC, I decided just to write. Typically, I would write my “end-of-year” report on both my business and personal life. And well, I’m not doing that this year, I’m just writing.
2024 was a year (which is not quite over, but almost) that absolutely flew by. And while we went on some cool trips as a family, there weren’t a lot of highs or lows this year for me, or for us. I don’t feel like I accomplished much. I don’t feel like I had any big wins. I also don’t feel like I had any major failures either. I just sort’ve went along with my daily life, working, momming, playing and doing. Never quite sure if I was doing a good job in any area, at any time.
You see, in other years, I can always point to things I’m particularly proud of, or things that were really awful. And I know highs and lows really well, I do well with highs and lows — I don’t have that with 2024. At first, I felt like maybe that made it a not-so-great year or a stagnant year. But then, I realized, maybe that made it a year of more balance.
This year, I’ve snuggled with Brady almost every single morning, I’ve held his backpack as we’ve walked home from the bus stop together, I’ve come home mid-day after work to Rudy shaking his little tail aggressively and run to pick him up for a longer-than-normal “cherish” session, I’ve shown up as my best self (no matter how I actually felt) and taught more than 350+ group fitness classes full of content 100 percent created, programmed and delivered by me at Life Time Charlotte, and I’ve spent a lot of quality time with Dave, my mom and my friends too. Maybe those aren’t highs or lows, but they’re the real-life good stuff.
Also this year, in 2024, I started out the year feeling like I needed to make adjustments professionally and have a vision for my future career, and I wanted to have a plan in place for that once Brady was in first grade in August. And here we sit, at the end of 2024, and I don’t have a plan. I intend to keep writing and teaching fitness classes, but I need to have a better idea of what this looks like for the long haul.
I always tell people that if I had guessed what my life would look like around 40 years-old, back when I was 20 years-old, I would have assumed I’d be in some high-powered corporate job, making a ton of money, wearing pencil skirts, being stressed all the time about projects and deadlines, and coming home to an empty, but well-decorated modern house. Isn’t that funny? I was always so driven in a different way that I sort’ve assumed my career choices would have made my personal life suffer, but I’d have a great “work” trajectory. But, here I am today, at almost 41, with a full house (well, small family, but the house feels very full to me), incredibly loved and satisfied with my personal life, but feeling some confusion on the professional side and where it will take me years ahead. I don’t think I’ve ever written out any of this before and certainly not shared it on the internet.
And those are my thoughts, written out for you here.
Maybe this isn’t an official lesson for you, but it is a reminder that life isn’t about having a perfectly curated plan that you strategically put in place. It’s about living. The daily moments. The regular stuff. The feelings. Trying new things. Changing course.
And how do I know that? Because here I am, a casual leggings-clad group fitness instructor, writer and mom, who might not have it all figured out at 40, who might not wear the pencil skirts or have the power, but who is actually really, very happy.
What I wish for you at the end of 2024 and in the holiday season is that you take a look at what you do have. Not what you don’t. Your health, your people, your pets, your mindset, whatever it is that brings you joy — lean more into that.
I also want to remind you, in case you fell short of a goal you set out, that the end of the year is just another time, among all the other times. It’s not a deadline. Just like the beginning of a new year doesn’t have to be a starting point. Each day is a new day, and each day you can choose that joy, choose that change or choose both.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading my words. By the way, I almost deleted this entire post three times, but here is it live on the internet for you.
Sending you some holiday love, and hoping you really receive it. And as always, be well, my faithful online friend. I’ll see you back here soon, however that may look. 🙂
xoxo,
Ashley